Couples Therapy: Breaking Down the Myths

by Dr. Jenna Scott, LMFT

If you're considering going to couples therapy but feeling uncertain, you’re not alone. Many couples feel nervous before starting therapy. I'm a Licensed Marriagedand Family Therapist, and I'd like to clarify some common misconceptions and ease any anxieties you might have.

"Why do Couples go to therapy?"

Couples therapy isn’t just for couples in crisis—it’s for anyone who feels like their relationship could use some extra support. Here are a few common reasons couples reach out:

1. Feeling Disconnected: Whether it's emotionally, physically, or both, many couples feel distant from one another. The busyness of life can often get in the way, making it hard to reconnect.

2. Lack of Sex and Intimacy: This is especially common among parents. Life changes, including raising children, can lead to a decrease in intimacy. Couples often seek therapy to rebuild their sexual and emotional connection.

3. Issues with Communication: Conflict is inevitable in relationships, but poor communication can make it more difficult to resolve. Many couples come to therapy to work on better communication, especially during disagreements.

4. Big Issues: Problems like infidelity, separation, or even contemplating divorce are difficult to navigate alone. Therapy can provide a safe space to address these heavy concerns.

   
   

"What Do Couples Work On in Therapy?"

In therapy, we cover a wide range of topics that impact relationships, including:

• Communication: Learning how to communicate effectively during both conflict and everyday conversation is key to a healthy relationship.

• Division of Household Labor: Whether it's housework, childcare, or financial responsibilities, balancing tasks can cause stress in relationships.

• Finances: Money issues can create tension, so it’s important to have open, honest conversations about finances.

• Sex and Intimacy: These are vital areas in any romantic relationship, and we work on rebuilding closeness in these areas.

• Family: Navigating family dynamics, including in-laws, can be challenging. We address how to build a strong relationship while managing external pressures.

Understanding the Fear Around Couples Therapy:

Therapy can feel intimidating. But in my experience, most people find that therapy is much less scary than they anticipated. After a session, I often hear things like, “I already feel relieved.” The support and guidance you get in therapy can make a huge difference, even in just one session.

Common Fears:

1. The Therapist Will Take Sides: One of the biggest fears couples have is that the therapist will pick a side. This is a common concern, but it’s important to know that our job is to support the relationship, not take sides. There may be times when one partner feels more heat than the other, but that’s part of the process, and things usually shift over time.

2. The Therapist Will Tell Us We’re Worse Off Than We Are: Many people worry that a therapist will diagnose their relationship as doomed, but that’s rarely the case. We’re here to guide you through challenges, not to judge or label your relationship as “broken.” And we don't make any decisions on whether you should end your relationship; we leave those decision up to you!

3. My Partner Wants to Use Therapy to End the Relationship: Some individuals fear that their partner is only taking them to therapy with the intent to break up. This fear can be hard to overcome, but therapy is meant to give couples tools to improve their relationship.

   
   

Why Do Some Therapists Avoid Working with Couples?

You might wonder why some Marriage and Family Therapists (MFTs) don’t specialize in couples therapy. The truth is, working with couples has its challenges. It requires a higher level of engagement and energy from the therapist compared to individual therapy.

Additionally, couples therapy often involves more logistics, such as longer sessions, more flexible scheduling, and the potential for higher drop-out rates (especially if couples wait too long to start therapy). This is also why some therapists may charge higher rates for couples counseling—it’s a more time-consuming and demanding.

While couples therapy can be intimidating at first, it’s a great opportunity to improve your relationship and work through difficult issues. If you’re considering therapy, don’t let fear hold you back. It can be an incredibly rewarding experience that helps you reconnect with your partner, communicate better, and work through challenges together.

Here to Help

Dr. Jenna Scott is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with a private practice in Tallahassee, Florida. She strives to help couples both inside and outside of her therapy office. That's why she has teamed up with her friend and colleague, Dr. Nari Jeter. Together, they co-host The Coupled Podcast and offer online relationship courses.